The Coward

I cannot recall the days anymore

life is slowly collapsing internally

leaving memories behind into the dusty sands of broken hearts

the wind sees no depth and only passes by with no shame

the eternal yellow fire turns at last red as if inflamed with the burning need of the unknown

The heat burning, aching, slowly through the veins that long for the light to return to life, unto the beating brain

everything has become shadows and there is no light within the venomous tears of no tomorrow

encased in a glass wall in which no one can see through the deceit and insolent fumes of the horizon-less seas of torture

can it be that the carnivorous heart has at last decided to ignores what it longs for, allowing the pain to simmer in the desert of  the conformity of its society

At the cost of becoming the weakest of its pack?

If at last the dreams can satisfy the loneliest of all souls, then perhaps it's time to live within the dream, since the coward of a mind cannot bare to unleash what the heart needs to say. 

A decision to force the lies out unto another innocent soul was an act to satisfy everything except itself

a selfish act that appears to be a sacrifice, but a sacrifice unto whom?

The fool has become the darkest form of blasphemy

a blasphemy that the world sees as the miracle of the century

not everything seems to be right

change is something the world needs,

they are only words carried unto the wind but action is far from our minds

if we really wanted change, how is it that we still end up in front of our past and seem to stay stuck forever staring and dreaming once again for change?

The Coward was never the heart, the Coward is the Mind. The heart fuels the necessary means to start, but the mind only gives us reasons to stare into the abyss of self loathing ideologies that never seem to go away

we are afraid of our potential, our inescapable acts of freedom, the idea that we can change every wrong and create the right to a better idea of a tomorrow

all we think about is to escape

that's what everyone longs for, an escape, a way out without the struggle, without any bloody effort, just sit and be free.

Truth is we are all chained up with the need of consumption and the need of betrayal, the need of pain to sit and go back to our prison cell of the past and the future.

The Heart is the smartest organ ever imagined and the least appreciated.

Because there are a few in this world that know that the heart and the mind are meant to work together to create the pure form of freedom.

The glass wall remains intact, when will the glass break

time waits for no one

Into the Night

The night is vast as the desert sea
slowly swaying time into a dream of sands
the air is cold but never as cold as the warm tears caressing the sheets of the moon
the violin slowly plays as each sheet is wrinkled and as each note becomes ink-less
The stars glide and brighten the agony of the universe as each heart beats unto the curves of the sands
the shapes and waves become violent as the desert storm becomes the echoes of each broken heart beat
Each grain of sand violently longing to be with the stars
so far away yet so close that it almost mirrors its reflection
The night becomes so silent and unbearably empty
Oh! how the night cries out so loud
Oh! how the night needs more time to unleash it's beautiful music unto the desert sea
The magic and sorrow of the night
the melody is inescapable and
oh! how the moon glistens with every tear that is placed upon its craters
The night is truly the temple of the Gods
Into the Night does the wind only howl so loudly the anger of the eighth sea of no return
Into the Night does the cries of the unloved disappear into the moon
Into the Night does the pure reflection of the heart's true love reflect into the thoughts of no tomorrow
Into the Night does the ghost of humanity lingers
The world is at rest but the Night is an endless symphony of our deepest Desires, Dreams, and Hopes

-Vanessa Cruz

Transcend

Transcend
Medium: ink, pencil, & watercolor
By: Vanessa Cruz

How?

How do you take everything in

but in the end you are left with nothing but the bare truth

a realistic view of the way the world was and is

how do you cope with perceptions of the world

the way they perceive you

you have done it everyday

but now there is a name for it

and

everything changes

there is a reason

an unpleasant reason

when you know there is no one like you

how do you stand up and fight

the silence becomes so unbearable

yet you know that silence can be golden

a newer purpose to stand up and fight

a way to speak for a million voices

for those who cannot utter a single word

a new insight has arisen within my blood

and I know that it's something worth fighting for

-Vanessa Cruz

Dreams

Dreams

Strength is not defined by how you feel

it's the complete opposite of what we feel

when we can't breathe

letting go what no one knows about

when we feel completely shattered but

able to get up and smile like nothing is shattered

but restored

when you let go of love that was never told

when your world has fallen apart

but it's the most precious moments

because it's these battles that you overcome

that creates the strongest fortress

even if bricks fall in the process

it becomes stronger and stronger

and you know as you build it

everything will fall into place

because the bricks that have fallen

become the experiences piled up to

pick up the hearts of others

your fortress, once it has been finished

will be attacked but only you know

how to rebuild it even stronger

life, dreams, hope are the key ingredients to

enjoy those happy moments

holding on to them creates the life you always wanted

-Vanessa Cruz

Anatomy of War: War & Death

Deep within the depths of the deep dark abyss

the eerie silence that devours the soul, lies the animosity of humanity

where there really is no end to the ongoing cycle of war

the charge that lies within the last breath of the purest heart

ceases to be pure and becomes the darkest form of rage

carefully and intricately hypnotized by death that tricks and deceives

it remains uncertain who will experience the last beat of the heart

confusion remains but Pandora left the chest locked

hope that never seems to stay but lingers beneath every soul

darkness and light are the interconnections of hope

that destroys and creates

to restore hope for our selfish needs

death must devour the innocence that once remained untouched

the light becomes the ignited passage to eternal peace

united by darkness and light

the yin that destroys and the yang that creates

life becomes the lesson

choices become the torture

regret that lingers

ignorance that was once thought blissful becomes the enemy

war becomes the grief

grief becomes the need

the need becomes the desire to change

there is no such thing of victory in war because

war is always defeated by death

the defeated becomes Innocence lost

the rest remain living life with the pain that will forever linger

war and death the cycle of destruction

-Vanessa Cruz

Dancer's Phase II

One step. Is all it takes

to get started in a dream that seems almost impossible

the idea to make something new

to change a mind

to conceal the darkness

to bring light into humanity

I do not know if it will follow through

I do not know if what I am doing will change a thing

but it feels right

it feels perfect

Life is about taking chances no matter how afraid your heart is

because the answers you create are not always the way it could be

do everything with the greatest love, passion, and humblest ambition

Time Again

It felt so real every moment

but out of the fear I decided to let you go

Fear that I know it's the best thing I can do for you

I faced a fear and allowed myself to regret

but this regret allowed more possibilities than a tragic ending

I do not know if it is the end

I would like to know it is

so that I may heal myself

and allow you to find your happiness

a part of me hopes but I do not know if this hope will be the end of me

I tried to avoid the fall but how do you control a heart that only knows it

needs the other half of happiness

I am accustom to letting go because it's all I know

at least memories can stay and allow a satisfying moment of

at least it happened

my life is so surreal and how everything just falls into place

yet so many pieces float in the dreams of tomorrow

one day, I hope letting go will bring back what my heart has been looking for

since the dawn of time.

I believe it will one day

this is just more than a passing moment it's a moment that will forever linger

and imprint my life

everything that has stayed and left in my life has changed me

Time to let go

Dream

Another year will soon go by

The moon slowly shifting through its never-ending phases

But my phases altogether seem to vanish 

The horizon is a line with no ink

Time will not heal the scars 

Afraid to sleep, to dream about a future that has 

Become entirely impossible 

But longing to sleep to relive the dream of the sweetest embrace

To experience the golden radiance of love

But reality is far to close to the harbor 

In which another ship must leave

Only sand from a desolate desert streams down my soul

The ship disappears from the ink-less horizon 

It leaves no trace, but it leaves a single heart beat

My hands are empty, my desert slowly expanding as each phase seems to vanish like each ocean wave

My heart is trapped in the ocean of no return...
~Vanessa Cruz

The Journal

Empty pages of a torn up journal
Words that long to be written but never are
A story of a lonely soul against millions of soulless beings
Can a journal understand pain, fear, emptiness?
Can a journal rewrite the past...
rewrite people?
Ink running down her eyes
A soul who seeks freedom from the chains that keep her
securely in hell
Reaching out to the broken mirror, wanting....needing to
be consumed
The pages are full, the pages that may be understood or misunderstood...
The pages are full, full of dusted broken tears
Endlessly lost, endlessly lonely
Endlessly empty....

Beyond Lost

Beyond the realms of time

The world was once a forest full of songs

Songs that made the sun come out beyond the Horizon

Countless of stories told by the ever-glistening golden trees of timeless times

Where love was never questioned only expressed with every breath taken

Hope was never a hopeless problem and death was seen as a way to rest in peace with no hell

With no heaven

Deep within our heart this timeless world longs to be returned to its shores

Be swept away by life and returned safely into the arms of hope

We are constricted and lost with no sense of direction

Our choices are made by time, by necessities, by beliefs, by anger, by others

The heart lies empty and left behind without a destiny

The heart is left longing and waiting, waiting for its golden bridge to appear

The world is out of balance, the heart and the mind are far beyond equilibrium

The yin and yang of our soul is incomplete and lost

It is lost in the lands beyond time…

Nightingale

I do not know how my life will be

Or how I can continue to believe

Deep within the darkest shadows of my forest

I continue to search and endlessly hope

My time is running out, deforestation of my hope is

Reaching closer to my heart

I do not know where to hide anymore

Darkness shall consume my love and my cuts will heal no more

My hope will become rage

Rage will become ebony within my growing bruise

Perhaps it was never meant to be,

My cuts were signs but I never wanted to be

I never wanted to believe

I never wanted to accept destiny that only offers emptiness

I cannot run anymore

I cannot deny what is offered to me

Destiny has teased me and taunted my inevitable future

I am forever locked upon my golden cage

My wings can no longer flutter with joy,

Alone inside my golden cage

-Vanessa Cruz

Moonlit Time

Time elapses into a timeless world

Where time has ended and ticking of clocks has ceased

Everything stops except for our beating hearts

A dream perhaps in the depths of our perceptions becomes reality

If we take a chance to obtain our dreams, what can we lose?

To lose everything and be held back by our loss only brings more loss

But to accept loss and take more chances, we gain more than we can ever lose

Fear of experiencing the new experiences detriments our capacity to succeed

Fear to follow you heart only leaves you with bitter resentment

To let go and follow your heart and take the risk of getting hurt makes you love more than you can ever imagine

Everything we seek lies within the door that longs to be open

Everything we need lies within ourselves

Everything we love lies within our hearts

Everything we are lies within our soul

Time is only an illusion that plays cruel tricks

But those tricks can turn into chances by only turning the hourglass

The mind plays obstacle courses but can be untwisted by silence

The heart plays with fire and there is no way of relinquishing it;

Only death can diminish such a fire

Life is an endless game of choices, make a move or stay where you are

Your choices determine your fate

Shadows of Love

I wish every day to see you

I hope one day I can express what I feel for you

I pray that you notice these signs that I leave for you

I need to know if you feel the same for me

You seem so distant yet so close

I have done my part

Will you do yours?

My heart can only take so much; just the thought of you makes my heart race

What have you done to me?

 I am under your spell

But for some reason you seem to ignore my presence

As if I did not exist

But I still hope a fool’s hope that perhaps one day you will see me

Only time will tell my tale’s end

All I know is that I have never in my life felt this way for anyone

There is something about you that I cannot seem to describe

That overpowers my senses and leaves me breathless

I patiently await for you and for now 

I only wish upon this night to dream of you\

 to ease my heart from the unavoidable torture of not seeing you today…